


The Lonely Ghost

by vio1et



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Halloween, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-15 22:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21025757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vio1et/pseuds/vio1et
Summary: Shinwon has lived in this house as long as Hui has been alive, and he’ll be here long after Hui dies.





	The Lonely Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY OCTOBER!!!! i’m a little early for halloween, but hopefully that’s ok! i wrote this really quickly over the past day because i’ve been feeling a bit spooky, and what better to channel that spooky into than pentagon? haha
> 
> anyway, ty all for reading :) happy halloween everyone!!! enjoy!!

“I’m _begging_ you to stop locking me out of my own place,” Hui barks when the deadbolt on his front door finally clicks open and he can force his way in. He’d spent the past five minutes outside his little white house located on Oakland Lane, pounding on the door and hoping his unreliable, non-traditional roommate would appear. 

“Sorry. You know I don’t feel comfortable home alone,” Shinwon reminds him with a fake pout. Hui glanced over at him and sighed. Once he’d gotten used to Shinwon being less-than-opaque, Hui actually thought he was handsome in a weird, maybe-not-totally-conventional way. If this were a Disney Channel movie, he would be the goofy best friend the main character eventually falls for in the end.

“_You_ are the weirdest thing about this neighborhood, Shinwon,” Hui says as though it’s complete fact. To Hui, it definitely was. Sure, there’d been a couple of break-ins around the neighborhood. Plus, the mailman _did_ linger longer than Hui thought was really necessary. And, yes, Hui was all but _convinced_ the lady next door was buried in her garden as part of some sort of social security fraud. But none of that compared to the situation in _this_ house. See, Shinwon has lived in this house as long as Hui has been alive, and he’ll be here long after Hui dies.

As he talks, Hui removes his shoes and his coat, putting them both away neatly in their respective place. Hui wondered if it was weird to take such care in a house that was, in all technicality, haunted. Still, he owned the place, so he would treat it as best he could. 

“Am I that weird, though? I’m just your average guy who happened to die in the house you spent your life savings and inheritance on,” Shinwon insists. Hui rolls his eyes, and Shinwon can’t help but grin. “Oh, c’mon, Hui. Lighten up. It’s not like I can go anywhere. Every time I lock you out, I’ll be here to let you in.”

Hui just shakes his head, turning toward the kitchen. Shinwon floats after him as he walks away. Well, maybe he wasn’t _floating_. He technically had feet. They were just almost completely translucent and didn’t make any noises when they touched the ground. 

“What happens when I get married? Have kids? I wanted to live in this house for the rest of my life,” Hui explains as he grabbed a pot and set some water on to boil. A part of him was hungry. The rest of him just needed something to do to occupy his hands. 

“I just won’t show myself to them. You know the rules. If I don’t want somebody to see me, they can’t,” Shinwon reasons. Even though he was haunting Hui, he didn’t want him to be miserable. Shinwon wasn’t like other ghosts. He wanted the people living in his house to enjoy it, especially Hui. It’s not like Shinwon could anymore. 

“I don’t want you to live like that,” Hui admits. He pauses, realizing what he’d said. “_Die_ like that? Err, I don’t want you to go through that.” 

“Wow. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was growing on you, Hui,” Shinwon points out with a soft raise of his eyebrow. Hui shakes his head. 

“Not a _chance_,” he insists.

“Not even a little?” he asks. Hui’s boxy, beauty of a smile breaks through, putting every one of his teeth on display. Shinwon feels his non-existent insides go all warm at the sight of him. He _hated_ feeling like this when he was alive, and it was even worse when you were dead. 

“Maybe a little,” Hui admits with a tiny laugh, “but I’d deny it if you brought it up again.”

Shinwon scoffs. He focuses really hard on the knob of the stove, and it flicks around until the burner is completely off. Hui groans, turning the heat back on.

“I’m just messing around!” he insists. Shinwon narrows his eyes.

“So am I,” Shinwon counters. Hui just scrunches up his face at him in playful defiance. 

The two chat mindlessly about Hui’s day while he cooks dinner. Shinwon loved hearing about even the most mundane things that happened to Hui. The copy machine was jammed? Enthralling. The accounting guy quit? Insane. The office manager is on maternity leave? Say it ain’t so! It was all so perfectly normal, but it was something Shinwon didn’t get to experience anymore. He lived vicariously through Hui, while also enjoying the sound of his voice and the stupid jokes he made. 

When he finishes cooking, Hui takes his bowl and sits at the table, scarfing his food down while Shinwon paces around the kitchen. 

“What do you want to do tonight?” Shinwon asks. He and Hui had a standing date. As in, Hui had to hang out with Shinwon almost everyday so he didn’t go stir crazy. “You can choose since I made you try to banish my spirit on Tuesday.”

“You owe me for that!” Hui snaps, taking another bite of his dinner. “What if I had really banished you?”

“I knew it wasn’t going to work,” Shinwon insists. Hui just shakes his head disapprovingly. “You’d miss me if you accidentally banished my spirit, huh?”

“Everyday,” Hui replies sweetly. Shinwon fakes a gagging noise. He knows, if it were physically possible, his cheeks would’ve flushed in that moment. Even if he didn’t get hot like a human, he definitely still felt heat build up in the pit of his stomach. Maybe his brain was just tricking him, grappling on to any humanity he had left. “Anyway, you can choose. What if one of the chants has a delay? This is the equivalent of your last supper.”

“You scare me sometimes,” Shinwon says with a laugh. Hui smirks, but goes back to his food. 

Shinwon thinks about it for a long minute. Hui has already finished his food and is washing his bowl in the sink when the perfect activity occurs to him. 

“Let’s play one of those games you hoard,” Shinwon suggests. Hui squints at him. Shinwon had never wanted to play any of his games before.

“Are you making fun of me?” Hui asks, shutting off the water and setting his bowl on the drying rack near his sink. Shinwon shakes his head. He begins to float toward the dining room, where Hui’s shelf of board games was housed. Hui follows him, a bit anxious to see if this would end in ridicule or not.

Shinwon examines all the different options for a few seconds, then points to a white box with the word **LIFE** written on it in rainbow, block letters. Hui looks over at him, but Shinwon didn’t have a single hint on his face he was kidding.

“This is a little more than ironic, you know,” Hui points out with a tiny laugh. Shinwon mimics him with an eye roll, but Hui doesn’t even notice. He just pulls the box out and begins to set up the game on the table. “Have you played before?”

“You can be a winner at the game of Life. Hey, look, I’ve got a wife!” Shinwon sings. Hui just blinks at him. “I’m guessing they didn’t play those commercials anymore by the time you were a kid.”

“Um, no. I think our childhoods occurred roughly two decades apart,” Hui reminds him. Shinwon scowls, but they both sit down at the table. Shinwon couldn’t really _sit_; he had to actively will himself to float above the chair. It was exhausting after a while, but he liked the normalcy of just gathering around the table too much to give it up.

“I had to have been, like, sixteen when they started airing that,” Shinwon determines. Hui shrugs. 

“So I was a fetus then,” Hui evaluates. 

“Stop acting like I’m old. You’re older than me,” Shinwon declares. Hui just laughs.

“I may be physically older than you, but your spirit is double my age,” Hui says. Shinwon is a little hurt at the revelation. It was true, but Shinwon hadn’t grown up a day since he’d died. He was effectively stuck at twenty-something and had been for a while.

“I have eternal youth, buddy,” Shinwon barks. Hui shakes his head, continuing to smile as he offered Shinwon the various colored plastic cars in his hand. 

“Which one do you want to be?”

“The yellow one,” Shinwon decides. Hui’s face falls.

“You only picked the yellow one because you know _I_ like to be the yellow one,” Hui snaps. Shinwon fake gasps at Hui’s words.

“I cannot believe you would accuse me of such a thing that is absolutely true.”

“If you were anything but a ghost, I would hit you right now,” Hui threatens. He selects the yellow and red cars from his palm and inserts a starter piece in both of them before setting them up on the starting circle. “You’re red.”

“Okay,” Shinwon agrees with a tiny smile. 

“College or career?” Hui asks. Shinwon taps his chin.

“Well, I hated school, especially college, so I don’t think I’m going to subject myself to it in my redo,” Shinwon explains. “Give me a career.”

Hui nods, pulling the two career cards off of the top of the deck and presenting them to Shinwon. 

“You can be a farmer for $80,000 a year or a mechanic for $50,000 a year,” Hui says, showing him the cards. 

“Which one would you choose?” Shinwon wonders. Hui shrugs.

“Farmer since it pays more,” he replies.

“Hm,” Shinwon mumbles. “I’ll go with a mechanic. I miss my car.”

“What did you drive?” Hui asks. 

“A second generation Honda Civic, like Butch from _Pulp Fiction_,” Shinwon informs him.

“And you… liked that car?” Hui jokes. 

“I just told you Butch from _Pulp Fiction_ had one,” Shinwon repeats.

“Okay, mechanic then,”Hui says, giving way to Shinwon and resting his job card in front of him. “I, for one, loved college, and I know that that is the secret to making more money, so I’m going.”

“Borrow $100,000 then,” Shinwon orders. Hui nods, taking two $50,000 bank loan slips before setting his car on the college path. “You can go ahead and spin.”

“Well, the rules do say the _youngest_ goes first,” Hui taunts, quickly twirling the spinner before Shinwon can change his mind. He lands on seven, and carefully moves his car that many spaces. “Spring break, lose $5,000.” 

Hui sighs dramatically, exchanging his single $10,000 bill for a $5,000 one from the bank.

“I’m having fun already,” Shinwon sings, focusing on the spinner until it starts to rapidly spin around and around. When it finally stops, it lands on ten. Hui couldn’t help but suspect him of cheating, but he allows it. His love for board games wasn’t from a place of competitiveness. He just liked to be around people, to see their reactions to winning and losing. It always felt like a bonding experience, no matter what happened. 

Hui moves Shinwon’s car ten spaces, and he’s _shocked_ when the space reads _Find buried treasure!_ Hui hands Shinwon $80,000 reluctantly. He then spins for himself, and lands on five. At four spaces, he’s forced to stop to choose his career.__

_ _“I can be a rocket scientist or a lawyer,” Hui explains, examining the cards in front of him. “Lawyer pays more, but this is the twenty-first century. Science careers are the real deal, aren’t they?”_ _

_ _ “I heard on the news everybody is defunding their space programs,” Shinwon interjects. “You’ll be unemployed.”_ _

_ _“Space programs have been getting defunded since the space race ended,” Hui reasons. “That was before even _you_ were born.”_ _

_ _“I’m just saying. The law is forever. Rockets aren’t,” Shinwon says. Hui laughs, taking the lawyer card and putting it in front of him. _ _

_ _It’s Shinwon’s turn again, and he’s forced to stop after five spaces to get married. _ _

_ _“Finally, I’m getting to the part of life I never reached!” Shinwon enthuses, lifting a blue peg and popping it into his car next to him. He spins again, and, of course, it lands on two. This was an even number, meaning Hui owed him $50,000 as a wedding gift. Hui grabs another bank loan slip, then hands Shinwon $100,000, accounting for both his gift and the payday space he passed._ _

_ _“I’m in $150,000 of debt, and I haven’t even gotten married yet,” Hui complains. _ _

_ _Hui spins and manages to score himself a nine. On the way to his space, he passes two payday spaces, which earn him enough to pay off his loans and still have $90,000 left over. _ _

_ _“Maybe I should’ve gone to college,” Shinwon mumbles._ _

_ _The game seems to go perfectly in Shinwon’s favor. Shinwon would win the lottery on his turn, while Hui would get hit with a lawsuit on his. Shinwon wrote a best-selling book, and Hui’s taxes were due. Their payday difference hardly mattered with how Hui seemed to lose all of his money on every turn. When it came time to buy houses, Shinwon bought the most expensive Victorian abode, while Hui had to settle for the mobile home. _ _

_ _“Oh! Twins!” Shinwon exclaims when he finally manages to land on a child square. He happily floats two pink pegs over to the backseat of his little red car, and Hui snaps them in place for him. “What should I name them?”_ _

_ _“You can’t name your kids in Life,” Hui decides with a laugh._ _

_ _“Why not?” Shinwon says. “This is Sarah, and that is Ginger.”_ _

_ _“What kind of names are those?” Hui asks._ _

_ _“From _Terminator_, you swine,” Shinwon explains._ _

_ _“You invented parenting,” Hui says. “I’m not even being sarcastic. How will your kids ever know who was your favorite?”_ _

_ _“Ginger, obviously,” Shinwon informs him. “She did nothing wrong and just got fucking murdered by Arnold Schwarzenegger for no reason. I feel bad for her.”_ _

_ _“What did _Sarah_ do wrong?”_ _

_ _“If you’re not prepared to fight the machines yourself, don’t raise the leader of the resistance,” Shinwon says plainly. Hui can’t believe what he’s hearing._ _

_ _“You know what? I’m not going to argue against it. The plot of that movie doesn’t make any sense anyway,” Hui alleges. Shinwon gasps._ _

_ _“Take it back!” he orders. Hui shakes his head._ _

_ _“It doesn’t make any sense. How was John born in the first place if his dad only met his mom because he sent him back to the past?” Hui argues. _ _

_ _“Okay, ignoring that,” Shinwon says, “how pissed would you be if you sent your friend to protect your mom and he had sex with her?”_ _

_ _“You’re a freak,” Hui announces, flicking the spinner. He moves his car four spaces and lands on one that reads _Baby boy!_ He grabs a blue peg and shoves it into his car. _ _

_ _“What’s his name?” Shinwon asks._ _

_ _“Malcolm,” Hui replies, “after _Jurassic Park_ because I have taste.”_ _

_ _“I like dinosaurs, too!” Shinwon insists. “There’s only one girl in that movie, though, and I have twins.”_ _

_ _They continue alternating turns, and Hui’s luck starts to change. After a while, his paydays have added up enough that he can afford a better house, and he’d landed on enough action spaces he knows they’ll be lucrative in retirement. Then, Shinwon lands on a blue space that is decidedly Hui’s worst nightmare._ _

_ _“Trade salaries with a player of your choice!” Shinwon reads. Hui groans, setting down his own job card in front of Shinwon and claiming the mechanic card. “Looks like everything's coming up Shinwon!” _ _

_ _“I wonder why,” Hui grumbles sarcastically. Shinwon just bats his eyelashes excitedly, waiting for Hui to take his turn._ _

_ _By this point, they are reaching the end of the board, and Hui is back to falling behind. Shinwon lands on action spaces, making them spin for money, and he always wins. Hui sponsors art exhibits, hires a jockey for his race horse, and collects paydays that can’t sustain his fictional lifestyle. _ _

_ _Finally, Shinwon spins a nine, and moves his car to the end of the board. _ _

_ _“I won!” he sings. Hui shakes his head._ _

_ _“You didn’t win yet. It’s not based on who dies first,” Hui corrects him. _ _

_ _“If it was based on dying first I would’ve won before we started,” Shinwon chirps._ _

_ _This gets a smile out of Hui. He usually was a little uncomfortable with Shinwon’s ghost jokes, but it did make Hui laugh how Shinwon was the _only_ person who could make them. _ _

_ _Not wanting to boost Shinwon’s ego, Hui bites back his grin and takes his turn. He moves his car the last couple of spaces until the end._ _

_ _“Alright, alright. Time to add up our fortunes,” Hui announces. He sells his house, then collects money for his action cards and kids, arriving at a grand total of $1,050,000. He’s a little smug, as that’s enough to land him in Millionaire Estates. He moves his car in, then watches Shinwon struggle to do basic math._ _

_ _“I have $1,250,000!” Shinwon declares after a minute. Hui narrows his eyes._ _

_ _“Are you sure?” Hui asks. “It took you a minute to figure it out.”_ _

_ _“You can count for yourself if you don’t believe me.”_ _

_ _Hui _does_ recount Shinwon’s assets, and Shinwon _was_ wrong about his total. Only, Shinwon’s mistake was that he didn’t add the spare cash he still had. His total wasn’t $1,250,000. It was $2,350,000._ _

_ _“Oh, did I win?” Shinwon asks sarcastically. He forces his little red car float through the air and rock back and forth._ _

_ _“Yeah, yeah. You won,” Hui laughs, pushing Shinwon’s car back down onto the board. “I’m not saying you cheated, but…”_ _

_ _“Oh, I absolutely did,” Shinwon admits. This just makes Hui laugh more. _ _

_ _“Why would you cheat at such a stupid game?” he asks._ _

_ _“For glory!” Shinwon exclaims. “Although, you _have_ already beat me at life once.”_ _

_ _“We’ve never played Life together before,” Hui reminds him._ _

_ _“No, you beat me at _life_, not Life,” Shinwon clarifies. “You’ve lived longer than I did. You bought this house yourself. You have a cool job you love. Meanwhile, I’m dead.”_ _

_ _“Oh, c’mon, Shinwon,” Hui sighs. “That stuff doesn’t matter.”_ _

_ _“Maybe not when you’re alive,” Shinwon mumbles. He sulks away from the table. He couldn’t pretend to sit there any longer. He just keeps going, pushing himself through walls and objects until he finds himself on the back deck._ _

_ _This had been Shinwon’s favorite place in the house when he was alive. He didn’t go out here much anymore, mostly because the way natural light reflected off of his body was sure to freak Hui out. Right now, he didn’t really care. Hui knew he was a ghost. It wasn’t a secret. He couldn’t hide it. _ _

_ _He lays down on the wood of the deck, closing his eyes and thinking about all the fun he’d had out here. It was great for parties. He and dozens of his friends would hang out here, talking and drinking and smoking and laughing. Once, while completely wasted, he’d attempted to climb the big tree out in the yard while his friends cheered him on from their seats. After he’d reached the top, the branch he was sitting on snapped. He’d only had the subsequent cast off his arm for a couple of weeks when he’d kicked the bucket. _ _

_ _Shinwon is reminiscing about all the things he could never have when he hears the door to the backyard open. Out comes Hui, wrapped up in a blanket to protect his very human skin from the cold. _ _

_ _“It’s summer you know,” Shinwon says. “I can’t feel temperature anymore, but I know it’s hot out here.”_ _

_ _“It’s night time! There’s a chill!” Hui insists. Shinwon rolls his eyes. _ _

_ _There’s a long silence where they both just sit there. Shinwon is drowning in his thoughts. He doesn’t have the slightest idea what Hui is thinking. Shinwon had never really seen him spend time out here. _ _

_ _When Hui finally speaks, Shinwon feels like he’s going to explode. _ _

_ _“Am I allowed to ask how you died?” Hui asks, wrapping himself a little tighter in his blanket. Shinwon scoffs. _ _

_ _“I mean, as far as I can tell, you have that capability,” Shinwon observes with a fake sense of wonder. Hui rolls his eyes. He glances over at Shinwon, who was sprawled out next to him. He was otherworldly like this. The moonlight softly reflected off his translucent skin, and he might as well have glowed. Hui wondered if he was a freak because his first thought hadn’t been that it was weird but rather that it was _cool_. _ _

_ _“You know what I meant,” Hui says in response. Shinwon shrugs. _ _

_ _ “Did I?” Shinwon grumbles. Hui nods. Shinwon just frowns back at him. “I don’t have a cool origin story, Hui.” _ _

_ _“I still want to hear it,” Hui whispers. Shinwon sighs. _ _

_ _“I lived here with my best friend, Wooseok. We were really popular, the type of guys who threw a lot of parties,” Shinwon explains. _ _

_ _“Okay...,” Hui says cautiously. _ _

_ _“This was in the 90s, okay? Every friend group needed those guys,” Shinwon claims. “If we didn’t throw a party, there was _nothing_ to do.” _ _

_ _“Right, sure,” Hui agrees, as though he knew anything about the social life of the 90s. He’d been six when the new millennium hit. _ _

_ _“I obviously didn’t get to look at my autopsy report because, I mean, I’m trapped here, so, I don’t _really_ know what killed me. I guess I just overdid it and my heart or whatever couldn’t take it,” Shinwon assumed. “One day, I was standing in the kitchen with Wooseok the morning after one of our soirées, and I just collapsed. I was already like _this_ by the time the ambulance arrived. I just had to sit here like a holographic blob and watch him beg me to wake up. I didn’t even know how to show myself to him yet. It sucked.”_ _

_ _There’s a few beats of quiet, so Shinwon decides to cut through it. _ _

_ _“I was _pissed_ because it was the day before Halloween, and I already had my costume planned. Me and this girl were going to be Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace! This was right after the movie came out, too,” Shinwon explains in fake annoyance. In truth, that hadn’t been the _worst_ part about dying, but it had definitely pinged in his scale of things he was mad about when he first died. What could he say? He was a superficial party boy and he wanted to get wasted on his favorite drinking holiday while wearing a bolo tie. _ _

_ _Hui laughs, so Shinwon does, too. Shinwon was embarrassed to admit he could’ve listened to Hui laugh all day. There was something so great about seeing someone as good natured yet closed off as Hui genuinely happy. _ _

_ _“Did you try to talk to Wooseok after?” Hui asks after a few minutes. Shinwon shakes his head. _ _

_ _“He never came back. He sent his mom and sister to pack our stuff, and that was it. I guess he couldn’t face coming back here,” Shinwon hypothesizes. “I _know_ he would’ve come back if he knew I was here. That’s what hurts the most. He just didn’t know I was here.”_ _

_ _There’s a pause. To Hui, it feels like it lasts a hundred years. As usual, he didn’t have the words to comfort Shinwon. Hui never knew what to say to him. It made him feel so inadequate. _ _

_ _“I’m sorry,” Hui whispers. “I probably shouldn’t have asked—”_ _

_ _“It’s fine,” Shinwon assures him. “It’s been 24 years. I should get over it.”_ _

_ _Hui forgets just who he’s talking to and tries to take his hand to comfort him. His fingers go right through Shinwon’s palm, and Shinwon yelps in pain. Smoke starts to come out of Shinwon’s hand, like he’s on fire, though there are no flames. Hui quickly scoots away. Shinwon feels everything inside him compress until he’s one hot ball of intangible spirit, and all he can do is just close his eyes and quietly count to himself in an attempt to calm back down. When the feeling finally stops, Shinwon looks up at Hui, and is heartbroken to see how terrified he looked. For the first time since they’d met, Hui seemed _afraid_. _ _

_ _“Seeing me for what I am?” Shinwon asks. Hui just furrows his eyebrows. _ _

_ _“What do you mean? That was my bad. I’m so sorry—”_ _

_ _“What?” Shinwon hisses. _ _

_ _“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you pain—”_ _

_ _“That’s what you’re worried about?”_ _

_ _“About you? Of course,” Hui coos. “What else would I be worried about?”_ _

_ _Shinwon doesn’t respond. Every part of him ached with the need to hold Hui’s hand, to ruffle his hair, to take him into his arms and hold him close until he complained and begged to go back inside. It was naïve and pointless to feel that way, but Shinwon couldn’t help himself. It had been a long time since he’d met someone he wanted to show himself to. Before Hui, he’d only ever used his physical form to scare particularly distasteful tenants away. Now, Shinwon wanted Hui to stay here, in this house, forever, with him. _ _

_ _“Nothing. I don’t know,” Shinwon replies finally. “Maybe we should get to bed. I need to recharge. My calves are disappearing.”_ _

_ _Hui glances at Shinwon’s legs to see his barely visible feet had been extended higher and higher. Now, he was basically colorless from the knee down. _ _

_ _“I didn’t know that happened,” Hui admits. Shinwon shrugs. _ _

_ _“It takes energy to show myself to you, I guess. They come back,” Shinwon explains. Hui nods, as though that made perfect sense and was something he encountered regularly in his life._ _

_ _“Right, okay. Let’s call it a night,” Hui says, crawling to his feet. Suddenly, a thought crosses his mind. “Uh, just a heads up, but I have a date tomorrow night.”_ _

_ _Shinwon is thankful he’s not a human anymore, because he knew if he was he would’ve turned bright red. _ _

_ _“You’re warning me you have a date?” Shinwon manages. Hui nods._ _

_ _“We’re kinda roommates, so I figure you’d want to know since if things go well we might come back here—”_ _

_ _Shinwon swallows the embarrassment wallowing up inside of him. Not exactly the reasoning he expected. _ _

_ _“Right. Yeah, thanks,” Shinwon agrees. “Goodnight.”_ _

_ _Before Hui can reply, Shinwon’s gone. Hui is a little taken aback by how quickly he disappears, but he chalks it up to Shinwon being drained from showing himself and hurries along to bed. _ _

_ _The next day, Shinwon spends the whole time Hui is at work brooding. That wasn’t his typical style; Shinwon wasn’t moody or sentimental. When something happened that hurt his feelings, he always dealt with it in that moment, not later. Unfortunately, this wasn’t that simple. How was he supposed to tell someone he cared about he should surrender having a real relationship so they could be together? It was stupid. _ _

_ _Shinwon hadn’t admitted it to Hui, but he’d never been in love before. He’d lived and died, and he’d never really _fallen_ for someone. Sure, he’d dated around, but he’d never had somebody who he wanted to sacrifice his freedom for. Now that he’d met Hui, he had come to realize that you weren’t sacrificing anything if it was the right person. Too bad he didn’t have any freedom anymore. He didn’t even get to change his outfit anymore. _ _

_ _Hui arriving home from work is usually the best part of Shinwon’s day, but today all he could do was pout in the corner while Hui got ready for his date. He tried to contain his disdain, but he’d never been good at that. Hui picks up on his bad mood quickly. _ _

_ _“Are you okay?” he asks, glancing at Shinwon, who was moping on the floor of his room, through the reflection of his mirror. “Did they kill off your favorite on that telenovela again? You know she always comes back. The show has to have a villain—”_ _

_ _“No, it’s not that. Paola is safe for now,” Shinwon assures him. Hui jokingly does the sign of the cross. Shinwon can barely crack a smile in response. _ _

_ _“Then what’s wrong?” Hui queries, crossing his arms. _ _

_ _“Nothing. You’re just abandoning me, and I’m gonna be super bored,” Shinwon says. Hui mocks him with a pout. _ _

_ _“You can’t survive one night without me?” Hui teases. Shinwon just stares at Hui to give him time to rethink what he said. “_Shit_. You know what I mean.” _ _

_ _“Yeah, yeah,” Shinwon acknowledges with a sigh. “Just— I’m gonna be in the living room, so if you want to get freaky or whatever keep it in _your_ room.”_ _

_ _“We’ll try,” Hui laughs. Shinwon scowls in response. He didn’t know how to make it any more clear to Hui that even the _thought_ of him going on a date sent Shinwon into the red. _ _

_ _“How did you even meet this person?” he asks. _ _

_ _“We have a mutual friend,” Hui replies simply, crouching down so he and Shinwon are at eye level. “I think you’ve spent more time thinking about this date than I have.”_ _

_ _“I don’t have a life, so all I can do is think about yours,” Shinwon says back flippantly. _ _

_ _“Wow, another joke about being dead. Original as always,” Hui mocks, hopping back to his feet. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk about what’s making you upset, we won’t.”_ _

_ _“What would you even do to fix it if we talked about it?” Shinwon snaps. Hui sighs. _ _

_ _“Okay. Clearly you don’t see the value in just _talking_ about something,” Hui decides. “I have to go. I’ll be back around eleven. You can buy a movie on Amazon if you want to.”_ _

_ _“Thanks,” Shinwon grumbles. _ _

_ _“If you’re still in this mood when I get home, we’re gonna actually have to talk about this,” Hui warns. _ _

_ _“Not a chance,” Shinwon denies. Hui stops, as though he feels like he has an obligation to try and comfort Shinwon. “Go. It’s fine. I’ll be here.”_ _

_ _“Shinwon…,” Hui trails off. Shinwon just looks up at him. “You know how important you are to me—”_ _

_ _“Hui, leave, or I’m cloaking myself,” Shinwon says, impatience oozing out of every word. _ _

_ _“Fine. Fine! See you tonight,” Hui says, then exits the room. Shinwon just sits there on Hui’s bedroom floor for a long time, long after he hears Hui yell one last goodbye and the front door shut. _ _

_ _This had once been _his_ bedroom floor. He’d never admit that to Hui, of course, but it was. It was one of the first questions Hui had asked him when they met. Hui didn’t ask Shinwon how he died or how old he was. He just wanted to know which room he stayed in. Shinwon had lied, telling him Wooseok’s room had been his own. He didn’t want Hui to be creeped out. _ _

_ _Of course, Hui wasn’t creeped out. He never had been. After Shinwon showed himself to Hui, his first question had been wondering _what_ Shinwon was. When Shinwon explained he was a ghost, stuck haunting the house in which he had died, Hui had just groaned in annoyance. It hadn’t exactly been what Shinwon was expecting, to say the least. _ _

_ _“You aren’t scared of me?” he had asked. _ _

_ _“How’s that quote go? I ain’t afraid of no ghost,” Hui had replied._ _

_ _Shinwon had known right then Hui was special. He had scared off many an inhabitant by simply showing them his transparent feet. Hui wasn’t even fazed by it, beyond being annoyed his house had a built-in roommate. Shinwon hadn’t met anyone who could even stand to be in the same room as him the entire time he’d been dealing with the afterlife. But Hui could. _ _

_ _After a while, Hui treated him like a friend. When they met, Shinwon had really, desperately needed someone like Hui, and when you needed someone that badly, it was really hard to resist falling for them, too. _ _

_ _So, yes, it hurt Shinwon’s feelings the one person he’d been able to talk to in all the years he’d been dead was going out tonight without him. And yes, it was icing on the cake that that person was on a date. And yes, he did order that movie on Amazon. And no, it didn’t distract him very well. _ _

_ _After his movie ends, Shinwon floats upstairs and curls up in the window seat overlooking the entrance to his beloved house. He cloaks himself so their neighbors can’t see him. He had his doubts anyone who had lived on the street when Shinwon was alive was still around, but he didn’t want to risk it._ _

_ _Shinwon sits up there alone for a long time, watching the cars go past on the main road stretched out in front of him. He thinks death has made him more thoughtful. When he was alive, he never spent time like this, just thinking and reflecting. Maybe that was part of being a ghost. You had no choice but to dwell on everything you lost. _ _

_ _Shinwon has no idea how long he’s just been sitting there when he sees two cars pull into the driveway. If he wasn’t already dead, a piece of him probably would’ve broken off at the sight. Shinwon’s biggest comfort in that moment was that Hui hadn’t liked his date enough to offer to drive her back to her car later. Even that is flimsy. What if he had and she’d just said no? _ _

_ _They leave their cars and walk a couple of feet before stopping to have some sort of conversation. Shinwon couldn’t even imagine what they could possibly be talking about, but the smile on Hui’s face when he looked at her was enough for Shinwon not to like it. _ _

_ _Shinwon grits his teeth watching her giggle and twirl her hair like Hui was the cutest guy in the world. Then again, maybe he was. Shinwon hadn’t seen many guys lately, unless you counted the ones in his novelas._ _

_ _He couldn’t help but get territorial. Hui was _his_. He was the one thing Shinwon could have. Couldn’t she find someone else? _ _

_ _Something overcomes him, and he can’t help but feel like he needs to scare her off. He starts to fling the pebbles in their garden bed across the way at her calves. The girl squeals, and Hui’s face falls. She runs about, but the rocks follow her. Hui tries to calm her down, but it’s no use. He shoots an angry glance to the window, and Shinwon’s thankful he’s cloaked for once. The girl runs to her car, and Hui enters the house, slamming the door behind him._ _

_ _“Shinwon, where are you?” Hui calls, tossing his keys onto the counter. He was trying not to be annoyed, but it was near impossible when your local ghost wouldn’t even show his face after harassing the girl you brought home. “Shinwon, I know that was you. We need to talk about it.”_ _

_ _After a minute, Shinwon appears in front of him. Hui clenches his jaw. He was gorgeous, even if Hui was pissed at him. _ _

_ _“Hui...,” Shinwon begins, but trails off. He didn’t know what to say. Was there really a way to defend yourself against throwing rocks at someone’s date?_ _

_ _“What was that?” Hui asks. Shinwon doesn’t respond. “I just— is there some kind of ghost curse that makes you act like that? Like the Hyde to your Jekyll?” _ _

_ _Shinwon scoffs. _ _

_ _“Ghost curse? Are you serious?” he sneers. Hui shrugs. _ _

_ _“What am I supposed to think? You never do stuff like that to me,” Hui reasons. Shinwon sighs. _ _

_ _“Just because I’m dead doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings,” he whispers. Hui knits his eyebrows together in confusion. _ _

_ _“Of course you have feelings—”_ _

_ _“For you,” he adds. “I have feelings for you. I can’t sit here and watch you fall in love knowing that will _never_ be me.”_ _

_ _Hui swallows hard. A part of him always knew. How could he not notice the flirting? How could he not notice the pounding in his chest whenever it was just the two of them? He knew exactly how he felt, and he knew exactly how Shinwon felt. But what was he supposed to do? It’s not like there was a handbook of how to handle falling in love with a ghost. Ignoring _everything_ was the only way he’d known to approach this. _ _

_ _“Shinwon, I—”_ _

_ _“You don’t have to say it,” Shinwon assures him. “I had my chance to fall in love. It was a long time ago. You deserve to be with someone real.” _ _

_ _“You _are_ real, Shinwon,” Hui whispers, staring down at his shoes. He couldn’t even look at Shinwon when he said that. He could barely see his transparent feet and say those words. _ _

_ _“I’m not,” Shinwon says back, voice breaking. “Hui, look at me. Really look at me.” _ _

_ _Hui forced himself to meet Shinwon’s eyes, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets to ensure he keeps them to himself. For a minute, when he’s just looking at Shinwon, he starts to think that maybe a life that’s just the two of them wouldn’t be so bad. Not being able to be physically affectionate wasn’t that big of a deal. They could make it work. He’s imagining an entire lifetime of board games and teasing and laughter. _ _

_ _And then Hui notices that he can see the wall behind Shinwon, even when he’s looking him in the eyes. Even at his most dense point, Shinwon wasn’t a solid. And then Hui realizes Shinwon is never going to grow old with him. They’re never going to be able to get married. They’d never go on a real date. Hui could never even introduce Shinwon to his friends. And that’s when Hui realizes Shinwon _isn’t_ real. And it hits him like a bus. Real boys didn’t have translucent feet, and they weren’t restricted to the same half-acre of land. Real boys were alive. Shinwon wasn’t. _ _

_ _He slides down against the back of the couch, suddenly too dizzy to stand. A million thoughts were wrestling inside his skull, and he had no idea how he felt or what he wanted to say. Hui had always been good at staying calm under pressure, but this was more than that. _ _

_ _“Shinwon...,” Hui chokes out weakly. Shinwon kneels in front of him, and he was absolutely desperate to take his hand into Hui’s own. He wanted to knit their fingers together and squeeze Hui’s palm tight until he felt secure. In the entire time Shinwon had been dead, he had never been so frustrated about being intangible._ _

_ _“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself. Not to me,” Shinwon insists, “I understand.” _ _

_ _“Tell me there’s a way we can make this work,” Hui whispers. Shinwon just shakes his head. Hui buries his face into his hands in defeat, letting out a loud groan. This all sucked. On top of everything else, Hui never knew what to do or say when it came to Shinwon. If he was going to feel like this, he at least wished he wouldn’t have to fumble around like an idiot. Hui finally looks back up at Shinwon, deciding the only thing he could do was just admit how he felt. “In another life, it would be you, over anybody else, every time.” _ _

_ _Shinwon offers Hui a soft smile in response, hoping he’ll take some sort of comfort in it._ _

_ _“I feel like I’ve fulfilled my destiny meeting you, you know? Maybe, in another life, we _will_ be together. Maybe this meeting wasn’t about right now. It was about the future, when we’re both whole,” Shinwon theorizes. He can tell Hui likes this idea from the way his face lights up, but after a few seconds, tears began to pool in his big, brown eyes. “Hui, what’s wrong?”_ _

_ _“If you’re fulfilled, is this the end?” Hui asks. The thought sends a chill down Shinwon’s spine. He didn’t know what came next. If he ever reached the end of his time in this house, he had no idea if there even was more to his journey than this. _ _

_ _“I don’t know,” Shinwon confesses. Hui bites his lip gently as his mind filled with all of his memories with Shinwon._ _

_ _“I’m so glad I met you. If this is goodbye, I want you to know that we’re going to be together again one day. I swear,” Hui insists. Shinwon nods. He wished he knew that was true. _ _

_ _“I know,” Shinwon agrees. Even if it might not happen, he wanted Hui to believe it. He wanted him to be happy. He didn’t want him to waste his life worrying about someone who’d died a quarter of a century ago. “I’ll see you then.”_ _

_ _“I’ll see you,” Hui affirms. He was so confident it would happen. Shinwon admired that. Maybe optimism was easier when you were actually alive. _ _

_ _ “Goodnight, Hui,” Shinwon says quietly. _ _

_ _“Goodnight,” Hui replies, wiping the last of his tears from his eyes. _ _

_ _Just like that, Shinwon disappears. Hui wants to believe this is just like every night, where he’s just off to recharge, but he isn’t so sure. Everything felt so still, so quiet._ _

_ _The next day, Hui calls for Shinwon before he leaves for work. No one responds. He does the same thing when he gets home. Again, nothing. He repeats this process everyday for weeks and weeks. Even though he wanted to believe Shinwon was in a better place, he couldn’t let him go. _ _

_ _After three months without a response, Hui decides he has no choice but to move on. Shinwon had said they’d meet again in another life, so it was up to Hui to make sure this one was worth living in the meantime. Hui tries dating again. He goes out more with his friends. Slowly but surely, he finds some sort of normalcy. He knew he couldn’t spend his entire life caught up on this. Slowly, he reaches a point where he doesn’t even think about Shinwon everyday. And he’s proud of himself. _ _

_ _Then, comes the 30th of October. _ _

_ _Try as he may, Shinwon was the only thing Hui could think about it. It was the 25th anniversary of his death. Everyone who’d ever met Shinwon was probably thinking about him today. Hui wondered if Shinwon’s mom was still around, if the anniversary of his death still stung or she’d become numb to her loss. For Hui, this was his first time being without Shinwon, and it hurt more than anything he could imagine. _ _

_ _On the way home after work, Hui stops at a local bakery and orders a single, oversized cupcake before buying a pack of candles to go with it. When he arrives at his house, he enters his kitchen, fully prepared to light the candle right then, but he can’t bring himself to even open the bag. Instead, he leaves it on the counter, then goes off to prepare for his date that night. _ _

_ _Hours later, when Hui returns to his kitchen, the bag with the cupcake is still there, waiting for him. Somehow, he felt more prepared to face it now than he had been in the afternoon. He slowly removes the cupcake from the bag then sets it on a plate and inserts a candle into the frosting. He sets the plate in the center of his table, then pulls out a chair for himself and sits across from the pastry. _ _

_ _“Hey, Shinwon. I don’t know if you can hear me up there, wherever you are, but I thought about you a lot today. I miss you so much,” Hui announces. The only response he gets is the soft rustling of the leaves outside. “I hope the other side is everything you thought it would be. Happy death day.”_ _

_ _Hui pulls a faded, tie-dye lighter from his pocket, then uses it to ignite the candle on top of his cupcake. He just stares at the plush, pink icing and rainbow sprinkles adorning the pastry until the wax from the candle starts to leak all over its sides. When he can’t take watching it suffer anymore, Hui blows out the candle with a heavy sigh then returns to his room, where his boyfriend already laid, half-asleep. _ _

_ _Once Hui is all tucked in, Shinwon unveils himself at the chair across from where Hui was sitting earlier. It felt good to hear Hui say his name again. Maybe this was for the best, but the reminder he was Hui’s first choice would always cut like a blade._ _

_ _Shinwon looks at the sad, waxy cupcake and thinks it was perhaps a little cruel to offer him a food item. He didn’t have taste buds. Hui knew that. That’s why Shinwon doesn’t think it was really for _him_. Hui thought Shinwon was gone. This was Hui’s pathetic attempt at a funeral, so _Hui_ could grieve and heal and move on and be happy without Shinwon. A part of Shinwon is glad. The rest of him is sick of being the lonely ghost. _ _

_ _Shinwon has lived in this house as long as Hui has been alive. He’ll be here long after Hui dies._ _


End file.
